Welcome to the Monster Closet–Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!

Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!

Welcome to the monster closet–a place to store all of your monsters until you’re ready to invite them to tea or out for a wild rumpus. We could keep them under the bed or in the basement. But I think of this as a magical closet–one that takes you to all sorts of places within yourself. Like the wardrobe in “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” by CS Lewis. When you work your way through the dusty old coats and monsters, you enter another reality. And no matter how many monsters you have in this closet, it never gets crowded. Because I say so, that’s why.

In case you were wondering, this is not one of those neat, well-organized closets that you get from the Container Store during their annual Elfa sale. This closet is messy–possibly smelly, too. This closet is the one you stuff everything into before your mother or friends come to visit. Like an overstuffed suitcase, you have to sit on it to make it close. (I guess you’d probably have to lean on it since it’s a door.) But you can use this closet to store your own monsters until you are ready to meet them.

Meeting your monsters

It is important to meet your monsters–when you’re ready. All though troublesome fears, the anger, the sloth, the doubt. I often prefer to keep them locked away–to ignore them and pretend that they don’t exist. And sometimes that’s the best thing to do, at least for a little while. And there have been times in my life when I’ve needed help to face my monsters–a therapist or sometimes a friend, always my journal and art. While the monsters may like to tell you that you should do it on your own and also that you can’t do it at all, they are just plain wrong.

Learn from your monsters

But the funny thing about these inner monsters is that they really have something to teach us. And another thing about them is that it is our own resistance and expectations that turn them into monsters. We live in a strange world where we are supposed to be happy and positive all the time. Where we are supposed to have it all under control and be strong and never fail.

Guess what–those are monsters, too. They come from within ourselves, they come from our families, from our society, from our expectations of ourselves and what we think others expect of us. But as adults, we get to choose. It’s not easy. And I’ve been working on my own inner monsters for many years now and they’re still around. But I have made friends with some of them. And on better days, I just breathe, make a cup of tea, and talk to them. Other days, they kick my butt.

Everyone has monsters

But we accomplish nothing in the long run by locking them and pretending they are not there. I think about Facebook where so many people paint perfect pictures of their lives. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to share good news. But if that’s all we share, then we are denying our humanity, what makes us interesting and strong and weak and courageous and fearful and loveable. It’s easy to judge ourselves against what other people present. I saw it again and again when I taught parent-child classes. Parents would feel that everyone else had it handled except them. But I knew it wasn’t true–and I told them. But these are our monsters, and we need to honor and even celebrate them.

Here’s the thing–the monsters bring us gifts

Those monsters that we fear and avoid and pretend not to have actually hold the keys to many parts of ourselves–our wholeness, our creativity, our humanity.

That’s a lot to keep locked away in the closet, isn’t it? So let’s hold hands (for me–I’m still scared) and take a peek. Take a deep breath and let’s go in–or just look through the peephole if that feels like enough.

I’ll tell you another secret–the biggest monster of all is the one that guards the door and tells you to go away. But it can’t keep you out if you know the password, which I’ll tell you. The password is FREEDOM (not case sensitive, by the way).

The courage to feel your feelings

It takes courage to allow yourself to feel. And it’s a process–at least it has been for me. Take it at your own pace. Breathe. Notice what you feel in your body–focus on your body and breath, not your thoughts. If you feel discomfort somewhere, breathe into it. Ask it questions–

• Why are you here?
• Where did you come from?
• What do you have to teach me?

You can do this in quiet meditation or in a journal or through art. Invite your monster du jour out for a walk or have a cup of tea with them. Learn to love yourself and your monsters.

I have used all of these methods (and still do). And there are days that I don’t do anything, that I avoid or run away (figuratively) that I watch too much TV. Just this past weekend, I watched 2 seasons of Veep. Sigh. But now I’m back.

What I learned from the children in my life

But what I wanted to tell you is that I learned a lot about accepting my own emotions from working with children–my own and the children in my classes. I observed them feeling all sorts of emotions. And young children usually move very quickly from one emotion to the next. Sometimes I was still off balance from someone’s angry outburst and they were already best friends again with the person they were angry at a minute ago.

“Negative” emotions are not negative

I didn’t like the idea of calling emotions negative. Also, I didn’t want to distract children from their emotions. If they felt sad or angry, happy or silly, I wanted them to feel whatever they were feeling. My long-term goal for them was that they learn to express all of their emotions but that they were in control of their emotions rather than their emotions being in control of them. As young children, they were usually controlled by their emotions and that was normal. Sometimes I watched them moving through the classroom and I felt like I was watching a bunch of people in bumper cars who had no idea how to steer. But learning to steer is part of their work in growing up. And it’s part of our work, too.

Sometimes we bottle up our “negative emotions” and sometimes we project them outwards. I tend to be more of a bottler, or “closeter,” but either way, we are not in control, we are not making the choice. So I urge you to choose. Let it be a process though. You will have to choose again and again. And like peeling an onion, there are many layers. Hang it there. Get help when you need it. Use your tools. Develop new ones. You can do it!

Some inspiration for the monster closet

Here are some books that have inspired me to face my own monsters:

• The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe by CS Lewis
• Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
• One! Hundred! Demons! (and anything else) by Lynda Barry
• I am OKAY by Sarah Becan (a book of monsterffirmations)

  

  There are many more courageous writers, artists and friends who have inspired me through the years–too many to name here, but I will write more about them another time.

This is really hard!

It’s hard to face our monsters, our deepest fears, our failures, even our little fears.

Thanks for going through this with me. My monsters are not enjoying being exposed in this way!

Also, my monsters don’t want me to talk about anything to do with money, but the Amazon links are affiliate links and if you buy something through them, I’ll get a little bit of money.

Thanks for stopping by and visiting this strange room in my dream home.

Hope to see you soon!

xoxo